I am woke

At some point, it seems everyone has to come to a conclusion about whether they are woke or not. In reaching my decision, I considered two major factors.

The first is that woke experts have determined that everything is woke. The BBC is woke. Universities are woke. Sainsbury’s is woke. Coutts is woke. So, quite simply, I want to be on the side of everything. I don’t actually need everything, but on the other hand, I don’t want to have to exclude something from my lifestyle.

I understand that GB news is not woke, and neither is Piers Morgan, but honestly, I’m happy to live without them. It’s everything else I don’t want to miss out on. So being woke enables me to participate in everything if I so choose.

The second is particular to the UK and a demographic here called gammon. Because of my age, gender, class and race, I could quite easily be mistaken for gammon to the casual observer. And I don’t want that as an identity. It’s fine for some, just not for me. So being woke excludes me from being mistaken for gammon.

It may be one day there’s a middle ground, but in this divisive world, you have to be one thing or another. You can’t be a little bit gammony and a little bit wokey. So I’m happy to park my bus firmly on the woke stand.

In case there are any woke experts out there who think I’m just jumping on a bandwagon (which would, of course, be a very woke thing to do) then just go take a look at my diary.

Still convinced I’m not woke?

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